It takes a village

A shiny new relationship is exciting and it can be so tempting to cuddle up inside your love cocoon and hide away from the outside world. Make sure to enjoy these special moments, but resist the temptation to abandon all other aspects of your life! Good friends and family are irreplaceable and having a strong support network outside of your partner will actually improve the quality of your relationship. In countries like the U.S. where individual family units have become increasingly isolated, it has become more common for us to rely on our partners to meet every one of our interpersonal needs. This is a recipe for disaster; expecting one individual to share all of our interests and provide all the social support we need is neither fair nor realistic and will eventually lead to disappointment and resentment.

Psychotherapist Esther Perel has a wealth of wisdom on what keeps the passion alive in long term relationships. One of Esther’s key ideas is to maintain some degree of space between the two of you. This may seem counterintuitive, but when you cultivate your own “secret garden” by connecting with yourself, spending time with friends, and pursuing your individual interests you create the opportunity to miss each other. People report feeling the most attracted to their partners when watching them do something they are good at or passionate about, so following your own dreams will reward you in more ways than one. Do cherish your partner and spend quality time together, but make sure to set aside some time for yourself as well. “Love rests on two pillars: surrender and autonomy.”